I couldn't be a poet (and I know it)
I've been listening to Bo Burnham a lot. I would have thought I'd be off the hype of Inside by now, but clearly not. There's just something about his lyricisms, the plays on words, the witticisms. There's some quality to his work that transcends cynicism.
All I know is that I couldn't be a poet. And I do know it.
Back in high school I wrote some poetry. One of those disjointed ones, unlike other kids repackaging rap as "flow-etry". You know, those poems made of twenty words across fifty lines retweeted by teenage girls and boys who say that they're "just fine". The one I wrote wasn't quite that reflective, it was way before I realised my mental health was a bit defective. Instead it was just trying to be good? Intentionally pretentious like a bad poet would.
Thing is, my teacher loved it. A good teacher can see past your shit. And I gotta give her props, I suppose, for she kick-started the journey that's gotten to here, where I just love to disclose. The encouragement and boost it gave me I certainly treasure. From that point on writing stopped being business, and became pleasure.
Could have sworn she said the poem was gonna be published, but as seen in this title, if it was I'd be established. Instead, I just waited for news, but I got nothing, like my YouTube video views.
From that point, back when I was like thirteen, I dipped in and out of poetry as I felt I was unseen. Notes to girls I never spoke to, fights I'd want to redo, trying to figure out the perfect debut. Poetry, as embarassing as it is for me to write, never felt right. Writing poetry for me feels insincere. There are many thoughts and feelings I certainly hold dear. But poetry is not the way I'd want you to hear.
22 Jump Street nailed it best. I can't get the intricases of poetry, I'm just a fraud. My talents in that department are cetainly flawed. That film showcases what poetry, or at least beat poetry, appears to me. Wonderful messages wrapped up in flowery, peppery prose. Words cut up, flipped around, held and drawn. A format someone has chose to try to avoid yawns.
Poets are people I respect. They know the langauge better than most, I expect. They paint with words and sound, while my choices are more lost than found. I wish I could be a poet, but I couldn't. On paper I should have been perfect for the job, but also I shouldn't. Maybe if I put the work in, studied the craft more, spoke beyond the scope of myself and avoid the things that would bore.
But I wouldn't.